10 Proven Ways to Get His Attention — NOW!

Just kidding. I got a promotional email this morning telling me that if I didn’t learn to write headlines that resemble Cosmopolitan magazine I’ll go nowhere as a blogger. So consider this a warm-up as I steadily work the Cosmo aesthetic into my day-to-day routine. Here’s a list of posts I’m currently working on:

Folding Techniques That Will Absolutely Blow His Mind!
Making the Génoise He Secretly Wants But is Too Shy to Ask For
Five Things Other Bakers Say About You Behind Your Back
Three Telltale Signs He’s Ordering Out For Cake
Get Crazy-Hot Cross Buns!

This could be a fruitful new direction for me. Perky meringues in five minutes a day! I kinda like it. Anyway, stay tuned for more of the checkout aisle blogging that I’m told will make me big, big money now, now, NOW! In the meantime get out your cake pans because it’s white layers this week, a request by readers Heather and Jennifer. Of course there’ll be other points of interest along the way: Angel food or devil’s food – which one are you?, that sort of thing. Gosh, a whole new world is opening up!

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24 Responses to 10 Proven Ways to Get His Attention — NOW!

  1. Ellen in KY says:

    I’m looking forward to it. My white cake layers are all right I guess, but they don’t have a lot of flavor.

  2. naomi says:

    More Shapely Buns in a day! I think you have enough suggestions in that last post for the year. Glad you’re back, and in great form (which took less than a week). Looking forward to whatever you start.

    I did check on a link someone had in comments on your blog, and now am on a Pinterest board about bread shaping and braiding. The Couronne Bourdelaise is pretty amazing. Must step away from the computer.

  3. yasmin says:

    lol. i think i follow you *because* you’re not so internet-kitsch and your simple blog format is a nice departure from the exceedingly groomed other ones. that and you’re kind of nuts and post so prolifically.

    • joepastry says:

      Ha! Thanks — I think — Yasmin!

      Yes I’m not terribly worried about some product marketers’ estimations of my prospects. I do marketing for a living. This is where I have fun!

      Your friend,

      - Joe

  4. Rick says:

    Hey Joe, I hear reader cosmo style surveys and quizzes also increase web traffic. May I suggest “How sexy are your buns?”, “Whipping cream: How dominant are you in the kitchen?” or ” Pastry, Boss, Bocuse: Which celebrity baker are you?” are all suitable titles to increase your bottom line. (Of course results for the later would be skewed because we would all want to be you). Have a good day.

    • joepastry says:

      Celebrity baker indeed! Hehe…tell my wife that. She hasn’t had a good chuckle in a while!

      On the headlines I definitely like the way you think. We may be onto a whole new genre of baking books here!

      - Joe

  5. Eva says:

    You made me laugh so hard Joe! Those headlines were spot on! I’m looking forward to the white layer cake. I’ve always avoided it because it just seems soooo… well… boring. I hope your version can convince me otherwise. I have faith in you! :D

    Eva

  6. Alex says:

    Actually, I’m currently staring down Passover and would love some tips on meringue. Most years, I’ve done a flourless chocolate cake to great acclaim but I’m trying to keep things lighter this year.

    • joepastry says:

      Any particular type of meringue, Alex? Pie-like? Crispy baked sorts of meringues?

      Just curious…

      - Joe

  7. Jeannine says:

    “Perky meringues” Oh, Joe. lol *runs off to read your layer cake recipe, shaking head all the while*

  8. Frankly says:

    Take a queue from huffington post & work some boobage into every edition. For instance Paris-brest (bear with me, I know I am stretching the concept with a pun) would be a real attention grabber in the manner of huff-po

    • joepastry says:

      Whoa Lordy…Arianna may be into that sort of thing but I run a clean ship here, Frankly.

      Except when I don’t. But that’s the only exception!

      - Joe

  9. Dave L says:

    One weird trick to laminate your partner’s dough

    Yes, this’ll keep me busy all day!

    • joepastry says:

      Sweet Jesus. You really have a talent for this, Dave. Pity the editorial board is female (or so I understand).

      - Joe

  10. Vanessa says:

    ROFLMAO! Seriously, that truly made me laugh out loud. You got some funnies, Mr Pastry! :D

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